This year has taught me, amongst many other things, how thankful I am to have some really great friends. My husband has always said that he sees God in people––when they’re being kind and compassionate––and I’d have to agree.
Thinking back through the last year, I’ve considered how each friend helped me make it through. A friend I’d meet for a weekly coffee shop visit where we’d discuss how those old theories we held about doing good and getting rewarded or the concept of “deserving” things seem to be nonexistent in real life. A friend and a hike where we talked about how old the trees were and how many women had gone through something like I had and, while I still felt lonely in my time, I felt like I had company in those struggling in the past. A friend who would sit with me on my porch and listen to my gray, hopeless, angry expressions on what beliefs I was abandoning while the spring still went on with its warm sunshine and bright colors. A friend who admitted, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through and I don’t know what to say to you.” And while the words were sad, they were honest and comforting. A friend that visits for chats over dinner and understands when one minute I’m on the verge of tears talking about the daughter I’ve lost and the next my hand is on my belly and I’m beaming about the daughter that’s moving about. A friend that has endured a similar loss at around the same time and whose emails reach across the states to help me feel like I’m not completely alone. A sister-in-law and friend that listens to the new worry each week of pregnancy brings and helps out with research and optimism. A mother and friend who has been struggling in her own way throughout the year but has taught me the important part is not giving up the fight. A husband and friend that consoled me in the middle of the night when I thought my own heart would stop beating and I’d be an empty shell of a woman. He still talks to me each night about my fears, frustrations, sorrow until I can fall asleep with some peace.
I know it’s hard for them all. I know I talk about things people would rather not think about. But I’m so thankful for the friends who are patient with me. That are willing to go down a dark road of discussion. That forgive me when I seem like four or five people crammed into one body. That listen and love and show me pieces of kindness and heart.